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6. Paths to Reconciliation
- University of Wisconsin Press
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167 One of the most sig nifi cant con se quences of the 1994 gen o cide was the rup ture of the so cial fab ric. As Do na tia de scribed in the intro duc tion, “I was con sumed with hate. . . . I didn’t trust any one, not even those who helped save me.” None the less, lit tle by lit tle Rwan dans began to re pair the so cial fab ric, many times un wit tingly, as they mud dled through the dire ma te rial circum stances in which they found them selves. Women, in par tic u lar, reached out to for mer friends, neigh bors, and col leagues. While many might por tray women’s cen tral role in re build ing Rwan dan so ci ety as the nat u ral con se quence of women’s biol ogy, this out come was not a fore gone con clu sion. Women’s cen tral role in re build ing Rwan dan so ci ety was the re sult of their so cial po si tion in the kin group and in the com mu nity as well as Rwan dan women’s em brac ing of fem i nist ideals drawn from both inter na tional and Rwan dan sources. Dur ing the gen o cide, many long-term re la tion ships (friend ships, mar riages, busi ness part ner ships, etc.) that tran sected eth nic ity were 6 Paths to Rec on cil i a tion 168 Paths to Reconciliation de stroyed or se ri ously eroded by dis trust. None the less, the pos sibil ities for rec on cil i a tion at the in di vid ual level were greater than at col lec tive lev els be cause of the shared his tory and mem o ries pre dat ing the gen o cide. Be cause government-sponsored memory-making and rec on cil i a tion ac tiv i ties pro hib ited the kind of hon est ex change of ex pe ri ences that or di nary Rwan dans needed, women were left to forge their own paths. As I dis cuss in this chap ter, this jour ney began with find ing a way to live to gether (ku bana) again. From this co hab i ta tion out of ne ces sity, some in di vid ual women as well as some women’s as so ci a tions in vented their own ways to ward rec on cil i a tion. I de scribe five ex am ples of rec on cil i a tion in this chap ter: three of in di vid u als and two of women’s as so ci a tions. Under stand ing these idio syn cratic paths to rec on cil i a tion can con trib ute to de vel op ing rec on cil i a tion pro grams bet ter adapted to the needs of or di nary peo ple in con flict zones around the world. Co hab i ta tion: A Mat ter of Ne ces sity Every day life in rural Rwanda re quires the ac com mo da tion of differ ence and nego ti a tion of con flict even when peo ple are not liv ing in a post war con text. In the after math of the gen o cide and war in Rwanda, the tran si tion from a state of war fare to a state of co ex is tence was a slow and un even pro cess. Be cause Rwan dans had ex pe ri enced ear lier pe ri ods of com mu nal con flict within liv ing mem ory, some of them al ready had ex pe ri ence with re build ing com mu nal life with lit tle out side inter ven tion.1 None the less, the level of phys i cal, so cial, and emo tional de struc tion of the gen o cide far sur passed any thing that any com mu nity had pre vi ously ex pe ri enced. In the weeks and months fol low ing the gen o cide, acts of re venge were fairly com mon in many Rwan dan com mu nities. Some gen o cide sur vi vors took the op por tu nity to exact re venge against their neigh...