African Women Writing Resistance: An Anthology of Contemporary Voices

Letters to My Cousin

Brief Biography My name is Catherine Makoni. I am a thirty-two-year-old woman living in Zimbabwe at a difficult time in my country’s history. I am a lawyer by profession and in addition to my law degree, I also hold a master’s in women’s law from the Southern and East African Centre for Women’s Law, at the University of Zimbabwe. I am at present working with the Catholic Agency for Overseas Development (Southern Africa office) as a regional program officer for justice and peace. I have worked in the women’s rights movement in Zimbabwe for a number of years and in this capacity have worked with women in difficult circumstances—women who have been subjected to violence and deprivation by their intimate partners. But I have also been there to witness their triumph over adversity. 50 Letters to My Cousin Catherine Makoni Letters to My Cousin 51 Brief Background and Synopsis In working with women of different ages, I have been particularly struck by the disconnect between older and younger women and between survivors of violence and women who were still grappling with violence in their lives. I was also particularly struck by the fact that in a country with an HIV prevalence rate of 20 percent, where parents are dying and leaving their orphaned children, we continue to see girls making the same mistakes that their mothers made, falling into the same patterns of conduct so that their lives play out in the same vicious cycle. This is what inspired the piece that follows, which is partly biographical and partly a fictionalized account. It started off as a discussion with my young cousin through e-mail, and then it grew a life of its own when I decided to tackle some of the challenges facing young women today. Because of the disconnect between the generations, they feel like the problems they are facing are unique, when in fact, we older women have also been through them. It was interesting that while I could speak freely, my cousin was not able to open up to me until I started using e-mail. I would ask her about the “sensitive” issues, like whether or not she was sexually active and whether she and her sexual partner had gone for HIV tests, and generally she found it easier to talk about these issues via e-mail (I have found it an interesting use of technology!). This piece is therefore in part an account of our conversation, but beyond that, it deals with some of the challenges young women face getting into relationships today—challenges like relationships with older men, negotiating safe sex, talking about HIV testing, violence, and poverty, as well as the political and economic difficulties in Zimbabwe and their impact at a very personal level on the decisions young women make. Letters to My Cousin Dear Jane, I was shocked the other day when you told me about your boyfriend. But first let me clarify one point. I was happy you felt you could confide in me—I would like to think you will always feel free to come to me when you need someone to talk to. That is what sisters are for. But after you hear what I have to say, I fear you will not want to. But back to why I was shocked. Perhaps shocked is the wrong word. I was sad. I still am sad. You are twenty-one years old, Jane. You told me your boyfriend is thirty-one years old. In fact he turns thirty-two in two months. That is an eleven-year age difference. He is working; you are a student. That eleven-year gap has all sorts of implications, Jane. Your relationship will always be unequal. He has done a lot of things that you have not and experienced a lot of things that you have yet to experience. He probably has more money than you. Is that why you are having a relationship with him, Jane? I know the life of a university student is tough. I know that since the government privatized accommodation and canteen services, you have had to buy all your meals, but I thought that as your sisters, we always try to help you out. Have we let you down then? Is our assistance not enough to meet your needs...