Blue Shadows Farm: A Novel

21. Mixed Thoughts—May 1867

May 1867 Silas and Sophia’s routine continued much as before Silas’s birthday , except for the nights. Silas tried to tell Sophia that she should return to her bed in the cabin loft, but he didn’t know how, or perhaps he didn’t want to. His thoughts were tangled and troubled. He had come to Wisconsin with a single mission, and that did not include spending his nights in a warm bed with a pretty young woman who he now realized loved him deeply. Silas had vowed when he left the army that he would not become involved with a woman. This would get in the way of his main reason for coming to the wilds of central Wisconsin. And now he was involved , or, perhaps better said, a woman had become involved with him. But he knew he must take some responsibility. He could have sent her back to her bedroom that cold night of his birthday, but he didn’t. Silas also tried to convince himself that he had no feelings for Sophia, that she was merely his housekeeper, taking care of cooking, cleaning, washing his clothes, and helping with the chores. He knew what he must do. He must tell her she should return to her bedroom now that spring had come and the long winter nights had passed. 126 21 Mixed Thoughts 127 Mixed Thoughts—May 1867 That morning, Sophia, a big smile on her face as usual, had promptly left for school after fixing breakfast and tidying up around the cabin. After finishing his coffee, Silas spent the day digging postholes and setting new fence posts. As he worked, he continued to think about what he had gotten into. He didn’t hear the meadowlarks singing, didn’t hear the ruffed grouse drumming in the woods to the west, didn’t smell the fresh soil his posthole digger turned up. His mind was a muddle and his thoughts scattered. His goal had been to acquire some land quietly, do what was necessary to become a full owner, and then spend full time on his mission. He had not wanted to become a part of the neighborhood and did not want any attention. How differently things had worked out. His neighbors had befriended and helped him in time of need, invited him into their homes, and even saw him as some kind of hero for killing a giant black bear in his yard. He wanted none of this. His purpose for being here was a secret, and he wanted to keep it that way. When Sophia returned from school that afternoon, she came into the cabin quietly and put her books on the table. She immediately began preparing supper. A short time later, Silas came in from working in the fields and hung his jacket on a peg by the door. He noticed something different about her. Usually she was bubbling with enthusiasm and ready to share her day at school—what she had been studying, what the teacher had been talking about—but tonight she prepared supper without saying a word. “Are you not feeling well?” Silas inquired. “I am feeling fine,” Sophia said, quietly. Sophia had fried a big slice of smoked ham, from the meat Silas had gotten when he had helped the Reinerts butcher last fall. She also heated up a big pot of sauerkraut from the crock that stood near the fireplace. And she fried potatoes, some of the few left from their garden harvest last fall. (She had set aside enough seed potatoes for planting in their garden this spring.) Silas and Sophia ate quietly, so different from other meals, when Sophia talked on and on about her studies, about places in the world she had not known, about famous people who had done important things, about how she wanted to be like these famous people. Finally, when their meal was finished and Silas pushed back from the table, Sophia said quietly, “I have something to tell you, Silas.” Silas thought it must be about something that happened in school, but he couldn’t imagine what. “Silas,” she said, hesitating. She looked down at her hands. “Yes,” he said. “I have news for you.” “What news?” “Special news.” “Special news?” “Ja, very special.” Now Silas thought she surely had won some award at school. But if she had, knowing Sophia, she would have blurted it out...