Zea Mexican Diary: 7 September 1926—7 September 1986

I. Irish Town 1

Irisb Tawnl 1 ,D May 1996 The Third Day after the News. It is five in the early morning, end of May, the month of my birthday* Dawn light about to come. Bird caUs thru the rain [This was the time of the ~ flood-rains that claim ed a dozen lives in Jamaica 6 $miUions in property dam age. We could not get out of our partly flooded Irish Tn house for some three days] AU this end of May has been rain, soft mist up here in the mountains. A beautiful time, the at-last broken drought On Tuesday phone caU from the office: Dr Morgan wants to see you. It's about yr wife. D, complaining of a cough & being v tired, had gone down to see him that morning & had not yet returned. She ca" me back before I left, taking ages it seemed to get aut of the car. I thought he'd told her what it was about. But he'd said nothing to her. He couldnt *The whole thing/ our lives to her death/ began in the month of my birth & ended on the day of hers 19 He showed me two X/ray pictures of her chest. Th (e> first one, only five weeks ago, after she'd had the ?stroke at Penlyne, was black & strong. The sea :md one was riddled wi pale circles. All he could say in sympathy/compassion (?compensation> was fm very sony I'm really V8xy sany It was as if a clock was ticking silence in the moon And I couldn't believe what I was seeing hearing meaning. Was this true? was this real? was this happening? was there hope? I mean what now cd we dot wd we do And he was still shaking his head wi all the time of that afternoon like it was tickin away tickin away tickin away Was there any way out? And there wasnt a direct answer Only the I'm really very sony as if he had fallen against the wall & only the twa of us there in that dark vexy bright room & there was nothing he cd do & there was nothing we cd do & we said nothing more as if the less said the less might it happen Hcept that I shoulel.nt say anything shouldnt say anything yet to her aecaUS8 it wei. probably break her [k.ill her was the ward he actually used] & 20 the sense~ somehow (did he speak. out these terribles) that she didn't have much time lett neither . . . 2 In the middle of her life In the middle of our year (s). So many plans. So much building. Because she was a builder. A creator. Which makes it even mare difficult to understand. What happens to Penlyne? What happens to the road to the house she dream (s) of? What happens to the library work wi which she is so deeply involved? What will happen when she hears~ when she knows? For Sun Bryan to come to talk about plans for Penlyne & to know that she won't be there anymore Can't be there anym ::Jre Will there be any point in continuing these things? For whom will we be building now! after to day? She has no chi1d~ no future of her own flesh & had never spoken of adoption. The bui1ding~ I think~ was her child~ her future. Her love. Her energy [though I may be wrong ...J 21 Very few people will know what an K traordinary person this is. To the outside she appeared no dou bt quiet & conventionaU quite the apposite: as the flood of tributes from aU aver were to so positively assert 4 The first wonderful thing about her is her MOqAL ITY. She believes in marriage, in one man one wife On this level she was never too comfortable wi certain things [polygamy, for one] in Africa though she saw their point (am nat Kpressing this v well); ack= nowledged/accepted our culture there. She believes as the song goes in Love in the responsibility to Va ws & I know I hurt her deeply many times ... She lived a good clean healthy 'yoga' life And as she says was never sick in all her growing up Was ne ver ill in all the 25+ yrs I knew her And now for a strong beautiful generous woman to be so...