Seeking Salaam: Ethiopians, Eritreans, and Somalis in the Pacific Northwest

Seven: Women Speak Out

201 s we have seen, criticism from within can rend the social fabric of a community and present a divided face to neighbors and the world at large. When those internal critics also share one’s bed and home, personal and political tensions can undercut everyday life and threaten the basic relationship on which all others depend, namely, that between man and woman. nothing remains the same, narratives diverge, and male and female stories compete with each other, causing tensions in the home and sometimes in the larger circle of the community. Women who challenge the status quo in this way have generally undergone a gradual sea change that has transformed the way they perceive themselves and in turn influenced their role vis-à-vis the opposite sex. Their new selves were often forged in the crucible of the liberation wars themselves, the very struggles that in ethiopia and eritrea heralded freedom and democracy for all people. Women took the liberation message to heart and threw themselves into the struggles alongside their brothers and fathers. as equal participants in the wars, many saw action and experienced injury, torture, and death, just like their male compatriots. Women soldiers in eritrea constituted one-third of the eritrean People’s liberation Front army. even muslim women, Traditional behavior is learned behavior. —rahel gebreab, seattle, 2004 WO men sP eak O U T 202 cHaPTEr sEVEn though forbidden by islam to fight, donned uniforms and went into the field. There, along with their Christian sisters, they worked in every sphere of the struggle, from commanders to tank drivers, acquiring new skills and self-assurance along the way. some of this new confidence eroded, however, after they returned to their rural homes and, once again, to the dictates of patriarchal expectations. even some of the male fighters, men whose very lives had sometimes been protected by these same female soldiers, once home, wanted more submissive partners. The divorce rate soared. “it was equality with a small ‘e’,” michael Damtew explains, a cynical smile on his face. His wife, sonya, a professional woman who holds her own with ease, nods in agreement. michael proceeds to tell me an anecdote about an eritrean man in Portland who “went out and bought a car without even discussing it first with his wife.” His face expresses amazement, and i am loath to tell him that some american men have been known to do that, too. When he repeats the story to another eritrean, “one of the Red Flowers, one of the ‘Bearers of the Torch,’ as the eplf used to call them,” he is again taken aback by the regressive attitude, he says. “i mean, this guy is born to the idea of gender. When the eplf were giving them all this political education, they were told that women are equal to men. i mean, this is a very liberal way of looking at it.” in an aside to me, but within his wife’s hearing, he adds mischievously, “Of course, they were mistaken!” His wife and i smile indulgently, but he doesn’t notice. “i mean, what happened to all that acceptance?” he asks. much of what was taught for the purpose of conducting warfare was forgotten when people returned home. in the privacy of his own place, the man once again picked up the reins and resumed his traditional role, forgetting everything that had happened in the field, when male and female fought alongside each other and depended on each other for safety. it was a big issue with the tegadelti, sonya confirms. at the immigrant and Refugee Community Organization, she worked with many Portland women who had experienced such change. “some ex-fighters actually divorced,” she says. “in the field, there had been no formal marriage; they just loved and were committed. But when they got home, their roles often reverted to the traditional prewar ones, where men went out to work and women stayed in the home. as a result, many of the marriages broke up.” WomEn sPEaK oUT 203 in eritrea, many women retained their hopes for a better and more equal role at home and in the public sector, where new laws appeared promising. Women now had the right to own land and to vote, feudal marriage laws were banned, bride prices and dowries were restricted, female circumcision was criminalized, and citizenship was granted to women and to children born out of...