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My intention in writing this book was to share my personal experience in the hope that someone would be able to develop a deeper understanding of what addictive patterns are all about. By no means do I want readers to develop any romanticized notions about life on the streets. The life of a street junkie is one of constant uncertainty; it is dirty, painful, and full of unfulfilled dreams. It is impossible to put into words the depth and breadth of my experience. What I have written about are my experiences as best I can recollect them. They are by no means representative of the experiences of people in Juárez or El Paso; they are personal experiences full of their own particulars, which are universal in theory but distinctly individual in reality. On reflection, I was lucky to have lived long enough to experience recovery. The only reason recovery was possible for me was because of my personal surrender and spiritual awakening. Many people caught up in the cycle of addiction do not have the chance for that experience . Pepe from Altavista died in active addiction. Recently, I saw one of Marcos’s relatives from Colonia Postal washing car windows near Puente Lerdo in downtown Juárez. One of his arms was missing. His sister-in-law, who panhandled in El Paso, looked alarmingly strung out and skinny when I saw her a few years later. She told me that she was too weak for withdrawal. She knew that she was going out, one way or another, but instead of surrendering, she was still in the midst of the struggle. These people looked like walking death the last time I saw them. Someone probably thought the same about me when they saw me at my worst moments in active addiction. In 2008, my friend Víctor from Felipe Angeles died of a drug overdose down by the Rio Grande right below the University of Texas at El Paso. When I think of the multitude of addicts who do not slow down enough to find recovery, it becomes apparent that the reason they are C onc lu s ion Conclusion 201 unable to do so is because of their inability to stop the process of obsession and compulsion. Of course, there is more to this than just selfwill run rampant. The social conditions and opportunities that exist in and around the lives of many addicts play significant roles in the outcomes of their lives. My friend Marcos from Colonia Postal lost a few of his kids due to diseases that resulted from poor living conditions and a lack of access to health care. His wife took the rest of the kids and disappeared, and the last time I saw him, he was strung out and alone, working a part-time job someplace in Juárez. I remember Víctor telling me that he knew that his chances of ever having anything in life were slim to none. This was one of the reasons why he chose to live the way he did. As I revised this manuscript, my friend and mentor Jesse Martinez passed away. It was one of the first times that I had cried since I got clean. Jesse was my counselor at the Aliviane rehab center. He was someone who took the time and effort to listen to my stories and share some of his own. He was a major part of my life’s new journey in recovery . I can’t even begin to count all the times that he was there for me. When his daughter asked me to be the pallbearer at his funeral, I knew that if I refused, it would haunt me forever. In 2003, when I left Aliviane, I would have never dreamed that I would find recovery in Juárez, but that is exactly what happened. As I stepped further into my own journey of change, I became aware of the deeper truths about life, which supersede its fallacies . As an addict, I idolized the chrome and the glory of economic conquest, consumption, and street-corner survival. In recovery, these things were revealed to be the trivial fallacies that they are. Yet if change is the main part of recovery—and it is—it came slowly for me. I began working in the moving-and-storage business again and walked across the bridge every day from Juárez to El Paso in order to go to work. The main thing...

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