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8 care Work and violent men chapter 7 described the problems with care work that women do, especially for their children, but problems also exist in the care work they do for the men in their lives. ironically, the discussion of care work for men in our interviews with the women was mostly talk about men within a context of abuse. The women are caring for men partners, despite their own hiv-related problems and, even more surprisingly, despite the abuse inflicted upon them by the men for whom they are caring. Women drew on discourses of femininity in describing how men need their care, even in abusive situations. Some of the women acknowledged that being a “proper wife,” which includes caring for men’s sexual needs, has taken a toll on their physical health, yet they continue not only to live with their male partners but also to take care of them. The following excerpts illustrate the women’s struggles to take care of men, many times in the midst of an abusive relationship. hiv infection and Partner violence Shareen’s trouble started when she got married, two years before we interviewed her. A short time into the marriage she found out about her husband’s positive hiv status when she visited him in the hospital. She had taken the liberty of reading his medical chart at the foot of his bed, which listed him as being hiv positive . once she learned that he had tested positive, she believed it was necessary to have herself tested for the virus. She explained to us how painful it was to get tested secretly and alone while he was in the hospital. i go on the 14th of december, and the doctor took my finger and he didn’t say—the sister didn’t tell me i’m hiv the same time. She told me i must go to the other room with my file, and i see on her face there is something not right. And she asked me, “Shareen, if i told you you are hiv, how would you feel?” i didn’t talk . . . i told the sister, “But you must tell me now the truth if i’m hiv or not.” And she say to me, “Shareen, you are hiv positive.” [pause] And i sit there and i hold my head, and i take my hair and i do like this [pulling] and i put my head against the wall. And i start crying, crying, crying. Shareen lives with an abusive husband. She described what happened after she found out that she, too, was hiv positive. in the days after being told her status by the nurse, she decided it was important to avoid becoming pregnant, because she did not want to risk transmitting hiv to her baby. Before she could get an appointment for birth control at the clinic, however, Shareen learned that she al99 100 | South African Women Living with hiv ready was pregnant. She then tried to get an abortion but was refused at the clinic on the grounds that her husband was not present for the procedure. South Africa’s choice on termination of Pregnancy Act of 1996 states that “no consent other than that of the pregnant woman shall be required for the termination of a pregnancy” (p. 3). According to this law, Shareen had the right to terminate her pregnancy without permission from her husband (or anyone else), but the health-care providers at the clinic chose not to abide by the law. if Shareen had been aware of her legal rights, she might have been able to challenge the clinic in time to proceed with the abortion. even then, however, it would have taken much time and resources to question their rule. in addition, because she has a low income and lives in a somewhat isolated community, finding another health-care provider would be difficult. And, in any event, she had no reason not to believe the personnel at the first clinic when they told her that her husband must be present. despite the apparent injustice of being prevented from terminating her pregnancy , Shareen explained that she now believes the unexpected pregnancy has benefited her. my husband was very happy. [pause] Because i had . . . for, for, for a year and two months my . . . my life wasn’t right. every two days my husband hit me. And now the baby’s here and he’s happy, and he don’t hit me anymore...

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