Been a Heavy Life: Stories of Violent Men

5. Reform Narratives: Return of the Good Self

5 REFORM NARRATIVES: RETURN OF THE GOOD SELF I used to go to Sunday schools and churches before I came to the United States. But then after—ya know—after a while, the devil overcome me and I got lost on the outer world. —Nelson Trajectories of the Moral Self: Introduction Change or consistency in one’s moral self over time was a major theme of the men’s stories. This theme is not surprising given the use of narrative in explaining oneself (Ricoeur 1984) and thus establishing a cohesive self over time (Linde 1993; McAdams 1999), and cues to crime or sanctions that I gave the men (e.g., “How did you get here?”), however neutral and universal I believed them to be at the time. At two archetypical extremes, I heard reform narratives and stability narratives.1 These are broad ways of discussing the trajectory or journey one’s moral self has traveled over time. I will sometimes call them narrative structures or forms. The reform narrative posits the protagonist as having changed in regard to criminal behavior. Reform is the point of this narrative. In contrast, the stability narrative is not about moral reform. Rather, the stability narrative posits the protagonist as steady in his propensity to act according to moral principles, either because he has been mostly decent or because he follows subcultural moral codes, or both. Most narrators used reform and stability R E F O R M N A R R AT I V E S . 63 talk within the same narrative. Theirs were elastic narratives, the most common narrative structure. Given the predominance of elastic narratives, ways of talking about the moral self may be seen as falling along a continuum. Moreover, ways of talking about the moral self are contingent upon situational as well as biographical and psychological particulars, as well as cultural templates. My data do not support the notion that narratives belong to the person. In fact, my findings concerning the situated construction of the narratives (see chap. 9) suggest that they are just as likely to be transitory. In this chapter I will examine reform narratives told by five of the twentyseven men in my sample. But first I will discuss the concept of narrative distance, an essential quality of narratives and the very basis for evaluating one’s moral self. Narrative Distance For each one of my research participants, the narrative itself created distance between the speaker and the man who had deviated from conventional rules and was sanctioned for it. One “can never immediately speak the present in the present” (Linde 1993, 105). Even the “present” self is a past self by the time it is discussed or even contemplated privately. As Mead (1934) said, “The ‘I’ of the moment is present in the ‘me’ of the next moment. There again I cannot turn around quick enough to catch myself” (174). Regarding oneself as an Other is a sociological fact, made palpable by language. John accentuated the distance between narrator and protagonist by referring to himself in the third person. In the uninterrupted talk that follows, he responded to my request to describe himself. He asked if he should describe himself “now or previously” and I encouraged him to do both. Thus he compared two different protagonists: John before was extremely selfish, self-righteous, well to a degree he’s selfrighteous somewhat now, but not like he used to be. Um, John before would just as soon whoop your ass as look at ya. John before would—well if John drank, John would go out and get totally wasted and probably do what Craig Nathan [unclear reference] did. And not care about it a bit. Um, John before was an extremely rude and disrespectful person. Uh, was out to get what he could for himself and basically screw everybody else and how they felt or thought about it. And John was very self-centered. Extremely self-centered. And John now is kinda—a lot more laid-back than what he used to be. Um. 64 . B E E N A H E AV Y L I F E John wa— now will think about things, instead of just act or react to the situation. Um, John goes out and tries to have fun now, where John before wouldn’t do it. So. John will think more about others now than he will of himself. And...