Follow Your Heart: Moving with the Giants of Jazz, Swing, and Rhythm and Blues

Epilogue: Long Good-byes

14 Epilogue Long Good-byes This story was to have ended in the mid-1990s with my eightieth birthday. Although I never imagined I would make it this far, I turned ninety-one on October 7, 2007. But the last several years have been punctuated with a loneliness and sadness that I can barely describe. The most significant is that I lost my beloved Anna. In the summer of 1998, Anna began having symptoms of fatigue, malaise , and general lack of energy. We both assumed that it had something to do with an earlier diagnosed condition she had, temporal arteritis. She broke out in shingles, which had chickenpox-like symptoms. There were several doctors’ visits and blood tests, but they kept getting misinterpreted . After several attempts the correct diagnosis finally came—acute leukemia malagia, cancer of the blood. When I first heard the word leukemia , I thought my life was about to be over. Her primary physician, Dr. May, mapped out several strategies and the likely scenarios that could result. We could do nothing and allow the disease to progress, or we could pursue a chemotherapy regimen. We were warned about the reality that at seventy-four years old and with a heart murmur (the result of a childhood case of rheumatic fever) Anna might not have a strong outcome. We discussed these options with family members and close friends and decided to pursue the chemotherapy route. I read studies about cancer of the blood being reversed in places like Brazil and even considered taking Anna there for treatment. She was admitted to the hospital at the end of October. I mostly stayed there with her. She was a real trouper throughout. Anna charmed the hospital staff with her manners and pleasant nature, although they (and I) knew the gravity of what she was about to undergo. We saw an herbalist who spoke in promising terms but made clear he was not a medical practitioner and did not guarantee anything. His interest was in lessening the toxic effects of the chemotherapy. Gradually Anna began losing her appetite, a normal reaction to the regimen. When I wasn’t at the hospital, Louise came from New Jersey religiously and Christopher Brooks was also standing in to help out there. Several friends came through to visit. She had made so many of them over the years, there was little wonder. After Thanksgiving, the chemo regimen was over, and she came home. It had been a rough several weeks. There was a bright spot in all this. On December 6, 1998, Anna celebrated her seventy-fifth birthday. Brooks hosted a party for her of more than forty friends and well-wishers. Her strength was marginal, but she was right there dressed in a beautiful pink suit. Everyone commented on how well she looked. The cancer went into remission, but we had to continue our doctor’s visits to check on her platelet levels. As a result of the chemo they had increased. Iattended seminars,visited agencies,and sat in on support groups about living with people with cancer. I even attended a one-woman show (by a cancer survivor) in which the actress was joking about the disease, which she referred to as “the big C.” I was not willing to look at any possibility other than Anna’s complete recovery. The alternative was unimaginable. Her appetite began to decrease again, which caused her to lose weight noticeably . Given that her immune system was low, we had to take certain precautions with visitors who might compromise it. That meant people with colds or sneezes had to stay away or wear masks and gloves while in her presence. Louise still made the six-hour drive from New Jersey to help out, and I suspended my usual walking schedule to take care of Anna. I was afraid to get sick. Anna had always taken care of me in the past; it was now time for me to stand up and be counted. 14 . epilogue In my heart I knew she was dying, but I couldn’t say anything to her that suggested it. I was so convincing that I believe she thought I was in denial. I had already known from a friend who had not survived a month after getting a leukemia diagnosis that it was usually fatal. The primary physician made us aware of an experimental study being simultaneously run at the...