When Tuna Helper Needs Help

Call Mom and Dad. Tell themyou've blown through your inheritanceand are turning side-dish tricks to make rent.Mom and Dad are sturdy Stouffer's entrees.They came intact in covered containers.They go to church and pray to complete protein sources.Tell them you've resorted to sloppy pairingsof carb with starch. That you invite bags of Laysover and sometimes wake up on the plate next to them.Tell them you're tired of facilitating everyone else'scravings, knowing you barely pass as a casserole.Even tuna doesn't want to join your cause.Mom and Dad try to send Chicken Helper to the rescuebut he's at boarding school playing water polo,the perfect pre-packaged son.Chicken Helper likes to point out his meatcomes from the freezer section. You can'tbe held to his white-glove standard.Once, you were able to transcendthe can. Once, you were out there helpingappetizers achieve meal status, not hiding at the bottomof a cardboard casket, hoping nobody noticesthe effort it would take to transformyour dried-up parts into a meal.