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  • Resolutions of the Seventy-Eighth Annual Meeting Palm Springs, California
  • Respectfully submitted,
    2015 APCG Resolutions Committee
    William K. Crowley, Chair
    Nancy Wilkinson
    Jennifer Helzer
    Jenny Zorn

Whereas, the Department of Geography at California State University, Northridge, has hosted this seventy-eighth meeting of the APCG in a welcoming, open, and pleasant manner, exuding good spirit and universal warmth, and

Whereas we have all been able to gain ground from their beneficent efforts and organizational wizardry in putting together a rewarding and fulfilling program, and

Whereas, we wish to especially recognize the efforts of out hosts Jim Craine, Steve Graves, Soheil Boroushaki, Aleksandra Ilicheva, Karen Sonksen, Tina White, the indefatigable field trip leaders, and the numerous student volunteers, and

Whereas, as a result of extensive reports iPhoned in as recently as three minutes ago from our well-placed stable of UAVs (otherwise known as drones), select undercover agents, and other informationists, we would, alas, be considered fraudulent and neglectful were we not to make known for all before us certain acts and particular occurrences that necessitate individual citation, to wit:

This is the first of all of our seventy-eight APCG conferences where the host hotel rooms exceed the dimensions of some of the meeting rooms, and

Whereas, Tim Krantz of the University of Redlands found it necessary to perform brine surgery in order to deliver the opening address on how to save the Salton Sea for just $8 billion, and

Whereas, Dr. Krantz, a GIS expert of some repute, repeatedly encountered functioning problems with his PowerPoint program, but excused himself by blaming it all on his wife, and

Whereas, the letter “A” apparently having been reserved by unknown forces, our hosts found it necessary to begin each day of papers with “Session B,” and

Whereas, our hosts, in order to convince us that Palm Springs really does have winters, refused to raise the temperature above near-freezing conditions in the Grand Ballroom, and [End Page 295]

Whereas, the Palm Springs Airport car rental service personnel were unable to count to seven, the Joshua Tree field trip departed unreasonably late while said car rental folks located another van in Blythe, and

Whereas, attendees on the Salton Sea field trip became noticeably nervous after trip leader Cindy Nance, having mentioned the number of bodies dumped in the Salton Sea, had the group picture taken at Salvation Mountain, and

Whereas, given the extreme mortality rate of fish, now piling up on the edges of the Salton Sea, three attendees decided to start a new business specializing in Sun-Dried, Free-Range, Organic Tilapia Jerky, and

Whereas, also on the Salton Sea field trip, attendees learned the sad news that as the piña colada diffused from Hawaii to Palm Springs, it trans-mutated from delicious drink to sno-cone, and

Whereas, we learned on the Architecture field trip, that building a pedestrian overpass for a nudist colony may produce undesirable traffic outcomes when post-sunset lighting clicks on as bridge crossers make their way over the street, and

Whereas Deborah Thien, recognizing that her audience was not Angeleno-based, began her talk on the Los Angeles River with a slide of Yosemite National Park’s Merced River, referring to it as the Los Angeles River (and really, who would know the difference?), and

Whereas, Eugene Turner, a veteran APCG presenter, finally figured out there was no need to save his conclusions slide for the end of the talk, as he made it his first slide and all present were able to leave the room early, knowing ahead of time what he was going to say, and

Whereas APCG president Chris Lukinbeal cleverly arranged to have his presidential address scheduled at two different times at two different places in the program, figuring someone would surely show up at one of them, and

Whereas, same said president, delivering his words of wisdom in an area of amazing topographical variety, insisted on persistently ruminating aloud about flat ontologies, and

Whereas attendees at the President’s Poster Session were seen iPhone photographing the papers rather than reading them, thus...

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