Coming Home to Who We Are: Buddhist Spiritual Practice and Transformation

J U LY / A U G U S T 2 0 1 0 W W W. T I K K U N . O R G T I K K U N 47 A s a young Asian American boy living in a mainstream Philadelphia suburb, I experienced manyeventsofdiscriminationandracismthatIdid not know how to handle in my little life. I distinctly recall having the thought that if it is this difficult to be a person of color in the world, I am never going to be gay. And the closet door to my identity slammed shut and was padlocked for decades afterwards. For people who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or same-gender-loving,thefeelingthatwe belong in this life is not so simple for us. Whenexternalconditionsofoursociety create conditions of exclusion or even enmity and violence, life is painful. There can be a deep internalization of theharmfulaspectsofourlargerunconscious culture. External oppression can lead to our own self-hatred, selfjudgment , self-harm, self-denial—this ismoresuffering.Thisisthetruthofthe Buddha’sFirstNobleTruth. In mainstream society, with all of its unconsciousness, even the “most liberating ” teachings sometimes cannot be absorbed without the right conditions. Creating the external and internal conditions that allow the teachings to land deeply into our experience is critical for spiritual growth. This is the beauty of the refuge of Sangha (community), which the Buddhasaidwasanindispensablepartofourpath. Here’s how one participant from an LGBTQ Buddhist retreat describedthepowerofanaffirmingspiritualcommunity: I am old enough that when I came of age being queer was still listed as a mental disorder. Boys in my Los Angeles high school used to boast of going to Hollywood and “rolling queers.” With a very few precious exceptions, sex was something desperate and dangerous, done with someone you didn’t know. Nowhere I looked—nowhere—were there any positive messages or role models. In the retreat last weekend, I experienced a momentary thawing of my frozen heart that I am quite sure would not have happened anywhere else. It was so beautiful to me to be in the company of other gay men, each having humbly come to practice. This huge lump of unprocessed pain began to move. FormanyLGBTQpeople,itisrareto find a safe community. Finding a communitytobelongto —findingrefugeand safety in a supportive environment—is so critical to the deepening of a spiritual practice. If we are only dealing with survivalissues ,wearedefendedandcannot letallofourlifeintoourawareness. In accessing a true experience of belonging , we can begin to relax and allow life to unfold however it may. We begin to relax into the awareness of how our life is, just as it is, and begin to experiencemorefullythatthelifeweareliving is so much more—so much grander— than how others define us to be. And eventually, through our progressive exploration with loving-kindness, compassion ,andattention,webegintorealizethatwearealsosomuch more than who we think ourselves to be. Spiritual practice and spiritual faith, regardless of lineage or tradition, fill a deep human need to reach for and experience something greater than one’s ownlimitedexperienceoftheworld. Our mindfulness practice invites us into living this fullest potential —to observe, experience, and feel who we really are in this lifetime. Philosophical debates over whether sexual orientation is included in the Pali Canon (Theravadan Buddhist scriptures), or whetherbeingLGBTQisaskillfulorunskillfulwayoflivinginthe ComingHometoWhoWeAre: BuddhistSpiritualPracticeandTransformation by Larry Yang Larry Yang teaches meditation nationally. He has practiced in the United States and Asia and was ordained as a Buddhist monk. He teaches at both Spirit Rock and East Bay Meditation Centers and trains future dharma leaders. The ache for Home lies in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned. —Maya Angelou BETH WOODS (WWW.BETHWOODSORIGINALSILK.COM) 48 T I K K U N W W W. T I K K U N . O R G J U LY / A U G U S T 2 0 1 0 world are all ancillary and ultimately irrelevant distractions from the core experience of “Who are we?” They are similar to the gender oppression and diminishment of women in how the Buddha’s teachings have historically been passed down to us by a patriarchal order. Whenweliveourliveswithasmuchawarenessandauthenticityaswecan ,regardlessoftheexternalcircumstancesofourlives, we begin to have the confidence that we totally belong wherever weare.Weexperienceaspiritualhomethatcannotbetakenaway from us, and it is a sense of home that...