Angels, Demons, MacGuffins, and the Goldbergs

Culture B O O K S | F I L M | M U S I C A ngels & Demons begins in intriguing places—the Vatican in Rome and the Large Hadron Collider in France, where CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research , analyzes particlebeam collisions in hopes of finding the ultimate building blocks of matter. In the Vatican, the Pope’s ring is being cut apart with a hammer and chisel, signaling that the pontiff has died and a new one will soon be selected. At the collider, scientists are trying to create an unprecedented amount of the mysterious stuff called antimatter and thereby discover the so-called God particle, aka the Higgs boson, which (if it exists) would account for why fundamental particles have mass and how the universe we inhabit came to be. The movie promises a dialogue between fact and fiction , materiality and spirituality, physics andmetaphysics. It doesn’t deliver on the promise, though. The picture’s guiding hands—director Ron Howard, screenwriter Akiva Goldsman, and star Tom Hanks—have picked up nothing in the way of spiritual depth since their previous adaptation of a Dan Brown novel, The Da Vinci Code, in 2006; nor has the addition of screenwriter DavidKoepp,whoscriptedsomeofSteven Spielberg’s more empty-headed fantasies, changed the generally empty-headed approach to faith-based topics. The plot is more streamlined this time around, draining off some of the concept’s goofiness without making it a speck more plausible, andtheactionmovesatasteadierpace.But finding an intelligent thought here would stumpallthescientistsatCERN. For those tuning in late to the Dan Brown movie saga, let’s review. The hero, Harvard University symbologist Robert Langdon, made his debut in The Da Vinci Code when the French police asked him to helpwithapuzzlingcase—themurderofa curator at the Louvre, who left behind enigmatic ciphers that point to a longburied secret concerning Jesus, his relationship with Mary Magdalene, and the [FILM] Angels, Demons, MacGuffins, and the Goldbergs ANGELS&DEMONS,ColumbiaPictures,2009 YOO-HOO,MRS.GOLDBERG,InternationalFilmCircuit,2009 ReviewbyDavidSterritt birth of a daughter, Sarah, who carried the holiest of bloodlines into future generations . Determined to decipher the ciphers, eventhoughhe’snowthenumber-onesuspect in the crime, Langdon hops from clue to clue with a pretty cryptologist at his side andgendarmeshotonhistrail.HisinvestigationtouchesonthePrioryofSion ,aconspiratorial cult; the Knights Templar, a medieval monastic order; the Hieros Gamos,apagansexritual;thelegendofthe Holy Grail; the Fibonacci number sequence ; the smile of the Mona Lisa; and plenty more, including a sadomasochistic monk named Silas, who belongs to the OpusDeisectandwearsaflesh-mortifying J U LY / A U G U S T 2 0 0 9 W W W. T I K K U N . O R G T I K K U N 59 culture_1.qxd:MA 2007 6/16/09 3:06 PM Page 59 60 T I K K U N W W W. T I K K U N . O R G J U LY / A U G U S T 2 0 0 9 cilicebeneathhisclothes. Angels & Demons was published three years before The Da Vinci Code, which makes it technically a prequel, but there’s no connection between the movie versions apart from their churchy themes and Langdon’s talent for high-speed sleuthing, whichmakesSherlockHolmeslooklikean American Idol loser. After the opening scenes,thepicturekicksintogearwhenenemies of the Roman Catholic Church steal theantimattercreatedatCERN,smuggleit intotheVatican,andthreatentousetheexplosive stuff to blow up the Holy See after executing four kidnapped Cardinals who arefavoritesinthepapalelection.Allofthis willhappenoverafour-hourperiodunless the symbologist and his sidekick (a pretty physicist this time) can foil the scheme. Conveniently for our hero, his adversary has an absolute mania for sending out brain-teasing clues, which Langdon interprets with little difficulty, perhaps because they’reontheHarvardcurriculum.Behind theevildoingisarevivedversionoftheIlluminati , a secret society that used scientific materialism as a weapon against the church a few centuries ago. (That’s what the movie claims, although I don’t recommend it as a study guide.) The group’s membershatethechurchbecauseitpersecuted their predecessors in olden days, usingtoolslikecapitalpunishmentandenhanced interrogation techniques. The movie doesn’t explain why the Illuminati’s scientific views haven’t made much progress since the Middle Ages—they still think the elements are earth, air, fire, and water. No wonder they have to steal antimatterinsteadofwhippinguptheirown . That last point sums up what’s wrong withpictureslikethis.Intermsofrelevance to...