I Was Here by Gayle Forman (review)

Cody can’t understand why her vibrant friend Meg committed suicide during her first semester at college, so when she travels to Seattle to pick up Meg’s things, Cody delves into the reasons behind Meg’s excruciatingly well-planned exit. There, she finds Ben, a guitar player with steamy eyes who makes a convenient scapegoat when she finds out that he slept with Meg and then ditched her; something about him, however, makes it impossible for her to blame him entirely. She also finds an encrypted file on Meg’s computer that ultimately points to something much more sinister than a disappointing love affair: Meg had found an online suicide support group that encourages rather than discourages taking one’s own life. When Cody goes undercover to ferret out the person who helped Meg plan her death, she taps into a dark place in her own psyche that frightens her but ultimately helps her come to terms with the loss of a friend who felt like her better half. Forman sifts through Cody’s shifting psychological landscape with a sure and delicate hand, developing a character that readers will recognize themselves in. Cody’s envy of Meg’s family and exuberant stance toward life, her unwillingness to see anything in Meg that challenged her fantasy of her friend’s perfections, and her lack of self-awareness regarding her own strength all translate into intimate yet familiar reflections of the structures that undergird important friendships. While Cody is somewhat let down by the fact that the adults all knew things that it took her trouble and some danger to find out, the readers won’t be; the trajectory of her investigation leads her on a path to self-understanding that wouldn’t have been possible without it, and brings her to Ben in the end, which is exactly where she needs to be. It also highlights the seductive potential of yet another way the internet can prey on vulnerabilities, making this a relevant book as well as an absorbing one.