Family

ROWELL: Do families here have only two or three children today?

NICASIA: Well, I do.

ROWELL: Only three? Is that generally the number now?

NICASIA: Long ago, many more. Today, not any more. Now two or three.

* * *

ROWELL: What are the ages of your children?

FIDELA: The oldest one is fourteen, and I have one who's eleven. Those are from my husband. So then the girl is seven, and the youngest one was only seven months old when her father took off for the United States. Right now she's about to be five. It's going to be two years that he hasn't called, that he hasn't sent money or anything. Supposedly, he says that he has gotten married, that he married a white woman—but who knows the truth. Supposedly, he says that he has to get legal papers, so he can come and go. But I think he forgot about us.

ROWELL: Do you know how your first husband was killed and why?

FIDELA: Well, I almost didn't have any connection to that business. My dad kept me away from those problems because of the children. I talked to one of the witnesses. He told me that the other man told my husband that he was his cousin. He told my husband that he was going to sell him some shingles so he could roof the little house we had. And my husband gave him the money. Later my husband went to his house and he said to him, "Listen, Margaro, I came with some fellows to pick up the shingles that you sold me." That's where everything started. And the other man told him, "No, I won't give you any shingles. On the contrary, I'm going to take everything from you. Even your damn woman." And my husband didn't like it. He hit him on the head, and the other man took out a knife and stabbed my husband in the heart.

ROWELL: Do you stay alone?

FIDELA: I stay alone.

ROWELL: What does it feel like to be left alone?

FIDELA: Very ugly and without work. Imagine how much I have cried. Very ugly. I went to a very big store, Casa Alegria [House of Happiness]. At that time, a can of milk cost thirty pesos, and I was missing half, less than half. And the lady told me how could I think that. . . she would give me the milk? With what would I pay for it if I didn't even have a husband? And she didn't give me the milk. I got home, and my dad got angry because the little one was crying. The boy was a year old when his father died, very small, and the other one was four years old.

ROWELL: Is it difficult to be a single mother in Coyolillo? Do you think people turn their backs on you?

FIDELA: Oh, yes, here yes. They even talk about you—that you are this, that you are the other. But they don't say, "Here, this is for your children." They say, "Sure, you can help yourself."

ROWELL: Are there many single mothers here?

FIDELA: Widows, yes. I feel widowed. There are a lot of single mothers, because they let themselves get pregnant and their boyfriends left them pregnant. But that is a not related to widows' problems.

ROWELL: What is the formal educational background of your children? What grades are your sons and daughters in?

FIDELA: The oldest one never studied. We couldn't give him an education, because I went to work. I didn't have the money. My dad and my mom didn't send him to school because they wanted the little bit of money for food. He doesn't know how to read or anything. My son who is eleven is studying; he's going to second grade. He almost doesn't know how to read. The girl is seven. She knows how to read. She...