Mark Twain in Australia: Two New Interviews

Mark Twain arrived in Sydney, Australia, on September 16, 1895, on his round-the-world speaking tour. Most of the interviews he granted during these months have been edited by Gary Scharnhorst. However, Twain sat for two interviews in Australia before the end of the year that have hitherto been lost to scholarship. Twain gave the first upon docking in Sydney aboard the Warrimoo. In it, he discussed several humorists. The second occurred in Melbourne in late December 1895, when a border dispute between Venezuela and British Guiana threatened to ignite a war between the U.S. and Great Britain. This interview focuses almost exclusively on Twain’s understanding of the Monroe Doctrine. I have numbered these interviews in accordance with Scharnhorst’s sequence in Mark Twain: The Complete Interviews (2006).

86a. “Mark Twain Interviewed,” Brisbane Telegraph, 17 September 1895; rpt. Barcaldine Western Champion and General Advertiser, 1 October 1895, 14.

SYDNEY. September 16.

Mark Twain landed here to-day. Obedient to your instructions to interview the American humorist, I boarded the Warrimoo at the Heads. As the launch approached the steamer it was noticed that she had a perceptible list to port. Guided by this unerring indication of the whereabouts of Mark Twain and his luggage, I had no difficulty in coming across the object of my search. He was lunching alone, and was attended by a deaf and dumb steward. He explained that when the voyage commenced the passengers expected him to make jokes at every meal.

The drain on my powers was too great, he added, and I had to take to feeding alone.

Mark Twain is rather disappointing in many respects. In the first place he does not dress at all appropriately. The humorists, with Fillis’ circus, and Lauri in “The Yeoman of the Guard,”¹ were a good deal ahead of him in this respect. Physically he is extremely disappointing. His strong points are his hair and his eyes. His hair remains in the upright position which it must have assumed when he heard that a publisher had accepted his first book, and he seems to have been fitted, before he left Boston,² with a pair of eyes warranted to see the back country of Australia without leaving the seaports.

What is this hanging about the coast? was one of Mark’s enquiries. Fog or smoke?

Smoke, I replied.

It reminds me of Bret Harte’s humor, he continued.

Why?

You can’t see through it.

And Mark chuckled maliciously.

Your remarks about Bret Harte will be talked about in London, won’t they?³

Perhaps. But one must get talked about somehow, and they seem to have forgotten me lately over in England.

Thinking the interview had better be commenced, I asked the humorist—Are you in search of the stolen white elephant?⁴

No, he replied definitely. I am after the oof bird.⁵

Why, you take life seriously?

Yes, my greatest efforts are directed towards doing the world with as little hard work as possible. I frankly admit that in regard to most things I am phenomenally lazy. I have travelled from the Rocky Mountains to Jerusalem in order to escape hard work, and I have come to Australia with the same idea.

Do you intend to join the Labor Party?

Mark Twain evaded the question and asked, What bay is that round there?

Chowder.

That has an American sound, remarked the new arrival, brightening up a little. I suppose you know something of our great and glorious country over here?

Oh yes; we get popular preachers, kerosene, and agricultural experts from the United States.

What island is this?

Pinchgut.

A strange name, that.

I told him the story of the island.

You have your humorists, I see, he remarked rather regretfully. They told me I should be on new ground.

You were misinformed. Up Queensland way we are particularly strong in humorists. There are Will Wallace, N. W. Raven, Hoolan,⁶ and many others.

Mark’s face grew gloomier than ever. His eyes dimmed and even his hair sank slightly.

I determined to proceed...