Vicissitudes, CA

1

Brandon and Kara went hiking but were unprepared for the physical challenge. "Hiking is hard work," said Kara. She cupped her hands and drank from a limpid mountain stream.

"But it's awesome," she said.

"Nature rocks," said Brandon.

They were in the San Gabriel Mountains and from their elevation could see Los Angeles and the smog in the distance. In Los Angeles city people lived in tiny apartments. The tiny apartments had tiny windows and the tiny windows had tiny curtains which blocked the prying eyes of neighbors. The curtains, sometimes, needed to be ironed.

Brandon didn't own an iron.

He thought about this.

Nature, he thought, is good because it's simple and expansive.

Brandon came to the mountains to find enlightenment. Enlightenment, he learned from his yoga teacher, could be found in nature.

Kara thought Brandon needed stimulation. She liked him, she said, but was tired of his moodiness and constant napping.

Kara took off her overshirt and sat on a rock in the sun. Underneath she wore a tank top that Brandon admired on account of her breasts.

Kara has nice breasts, he thought, even if we are just friends.

A cloud moved away from the sun and a yellow sunbeam shined on a nearby tree.

"Look at that tree," said Kara.

She pointed to the tall luminous pine.

"There's so much meaning in that tree."

2

The next day Kara was sick with dysentery.

Brandon visited her at the hospital.

He gave her a bouquet of flowers and asked how it was going.

"I have dysentery," said Kara, "because microorganisms have invaded my intestines via my stomach."

"Montezuma's Revenge," said Charles.

"The lesson," said Charles, "is never to drink from a limpid mountain stream."

Great, thought Brandon, Charles is here.

3

A few weeks later Brandon met Kara and Charles for dinner at a macrobiotic restaurant on La Brea.

They sat at a small round table and looked at their menus.

"I love macrobiotic food," said Kara.

Charles said: "Macrobiotic food is my favorite."

Brandon didn't know about macrobiotic food.

He looked at his menu.

What's seitan? he thought.

"I'm thinking of ordering the tempeh with miso-cured tofu cheese," said Kara.

"On the ciabatta?" said Charles.

"It's a carb," he said.

Charles was a personal trainer.

Not so long ago he moved to Los Angeles from Orange County to expand his client base. This is how he met Kara.

First she was his client.

Then his girlfriend.

Soon they'd be moving in together.

"But I've lost five pounds," said Kara.

"Because of the dysentery," she said.

"In fluids," said Charles.

Charles said: "Fluids don't count."

Kara pulled her hair away from her neck. Her neck was slender and featured an array of beauty marks.

"Then I'll get the seitan wrap," she said.

Charles ordered the chopped salad.

When it was Brandon's turn he couldn't decide.

In a panic he ordered the tuna roll.

But I hate sushi, he thought when the meals came out.

Charles said something about politics.

"I dislike the president," he said.

"Garfield was my favorite president," said Brandon.

"James A. Garfield?" said Kara. "President from March to July of 1881?"

"From Ohio?" she said.

"That's the one," said Brandon.

He said: "I think he would have proven to be an effective leader if he'd been given the chance."

Charles put his hand on Kara's knee.

"That's funny," said Charles. "Garfield's killer, Charles Guiteau, is my favorite presidential assassin, and it's not just because we share a name."

He said: "Did you know that Guiteau killed the president because he was sexually frustrated?"

"How awful," said Kara.

Brandon poked his tuna roll.

"Don't you agree, Brandon?" said Charles.

"Agree?"

"That sexual frustration is awful."

"I thought Guiteau killed Garfield because he wanted to be ambassador to France," said Brandon.

"Please," said Charles.

He said: "Everyone wants to be ambassador to France."

4

The next day Brandon woke up to the bright morning sun shining through his bedroom window.

He...