The Misconception

FICTION The Misconception Mary Hodges I'm going to be a grandmother. You may as well know. The whole rest of the world will soon enough. I'm too young to be a grandmotiier, of course, and my poor little Jay Robert sure is too young to be a daddy. Why, he's just a baby himself. He's such a good boy, never done anything wrong in all his twenty-one years. Well, you can imagine my shock when he and that girl, that Shirley, the mama-to-be, came to me and Thomas last week—woke us up in bed at midnight—about scared us to death. I think I'd have just gone ahead and died if I'd known what tiiey were going to tell us. There we sat in the bed, Thomas looking Uke Jabba the Hutt with that fat, hairy, naked belly of his. I hate it when he refuses to wear his pajama shirt. I absolutely put my foot down about his not wearing the bottoms. At least I was decent in my new baby doll pajamas and the lacy hairnet I'd bought die day before when I'd got my perm. I was so thankful I'd bought that hairnet. I didn't want to spend the extra $2.00 for it at the time, but somediing told me I'd better go ahead and replace my old ratty one, so I bought it instead of tipping Mary EUen. I tell you, sometimes the Lord leads us when we least expect it. Anyway, there stood Jay Robert and Shirley at the foot of the bed, hanging onto each other and it hotter in that bedroom than the furnace they threw Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego into, and things heated up by the minute as they told us they were going to have a baby and that they wanted to get married right away—tomorrow, preferably—or today, whatever you call it when it's 12:00 midnight. Suddenly that perm solution in my hair smelt just as strong as it had at the Primp Shop the day before. After I got my breath, I asked Jay Robert what in the world could have caused this to happen. Thomas raised his eyebrows at me like I was stupid. I hate it when he does that. Of course, I know what causes babies, but, you know, I just couldn't believe that my litde Jay Robert could've, well would've done tiiat. Mary Hodges, a native of East Tennessee, is an instructor of English at Carson-Newman College inJefferson City, Tennessee. She and her husband have returned to the area after living in many otherstates, includingHawaii. 44 Jay Robert said he wanted us to know that they—he and Shirley—hadn 't, well, hadn't, you know-done what, uh, what you usually do to get pregnant. Now, I know you must find that hard to believe, and, of course, my husband Thomas—aptly named, I might add—didn't believe it. He yelled what the hell was Jay Robert saying, that there was only one way he knew to get a baby and that ifJay Robert didn't do that thing, then Jay Robert was damn well stupider than he thought and that the kid Shirley was pregnant with was somebody else's. That's just like Thomas. He professes to be such a good Christian, but, let me tell you, when the going gets tough, his faith and his language bodi go right out the window. And I pointed tiiat out to him in no uncertain terms, plus I reminded him tiiat diere was such a thing as a child not being conceived in the usual way, tiiat Jesus for one was not conceived in die usual way. Then I told Jay Robert, I said, "Go ahead, honey, and tell Mama what happened." He stood there looking for all the world like an overgrown cherub with those big blue eyes ofhis and that curly blond hair. His hair's so nice. Comes from my side ofthe family, ofcourse. Ifhe'd let it grow, you know, it'd look just Uke Jesus...