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  • Sir Walter Ralegh, on the Eve of his Execution, to Dr. Tounson
  • Joseph Awad (bio)

Regrets? Of course. What man, at death's approach,Doesn't regret things done, or worse, not done?God blessed me with a glorious life. Just think!A farm boy knighted by the Queen he loved,And who loved him; yet gifted with a wifeMost rare and true and beautiful and brave!I had the best of both worlds: the high lifeAt court as the Queen's favorite, all the playOf politics and poetry and fame,Travel, adventure, talk with the best minds;All this on one hand, on the other lifeAt Sherborne with my family and friends,Strolling the gardens, studying, writing verse,Riding in the woods or hunting deer.God gave me everything. The Queen did too,Until I hurt her, marrying in secretOne of her own maids. And yet I lovedHer still and always will. That she loved meShe proved by pardoning me, defending meEven against the cuts of her beloved Essex.God, the times we had! How she could dazzle!Enemies and rumor-mongers spreadSalacious lies about us and our love;The same foul mouths that called me atheistWho always loved and tried to serve our Lord.Vulgar minds! Never could they imagineHow intellect and wit and shared idealsBrought us closer than raw passion could.Not that we weren't tempted; but the gulfBetween her sun-like majesty and meKept me from presuming, from dishonor.Regrets, you ask? Oh I regret Guiana! [End Page 196] I curse the day I ever heard that wordAnd that lying Spaniard in whose evil spellI became obsessed with gold and El Dorado.My heart breaks when I think of the good men,My dear son Wat among them, who have diedBecause my stubborn greed for gold, deluded,Drove me to ruin, brought me to this nightAnd place where I await the headsman's axe.If only I'd been as willful and as drivenTo reach Virginia. But the Queen forbade it.She gave me charge of that high enterprise,The ships and men, but would not let me go.And so I only know that great new worldBy reports from men I sent, like HariotAnd White who brought Virginia back in art.My heart says to have gone there might have meantMore than if I had found El Dorado.I had dreamed of building England in Virginia—Prosperous farms and towns and towering cities.With wisdom gleaned from all the years of studyFor my History of the World. I could have governed,With Bess and our dear children at my sideAnd leisure to write verses that might live,Far from the plotting of ambitious lords,The wiles of Cecil, whom I thought my friend,The endless power plays and James's ire,Far from the Tower's gloom, where I was keptFor twelve long years, years in whichI might have courted greatness, far awayFrom the screams, the hangman, and the axe, the axeThat will undo me in a few short hours.If I were now headed anywhere but heaven,I would be headed for Virginia. [End Page 197]

Joseph Awad

Joseph Awad (1929–2009) was a publicrelations executive who wrote most of his poetry in retirement. Late into the Night (2009) was his fifth book of poetry.

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