A Daring Promise: A Spirituality of Christian Marriage (review)

Richard Gaillardetz' book, A Daring Promise, is an honest, readable reflection on marriage from the perspective of Catholic spirituality. He states up front in the preface that he desires to bring two perspectives together in order to reflect on this topic—"a theologically informed view of marriage that is faithful to the deep wisdom of our Christian tradition and an honest reading of the lived experience of marriage with all its joys and struggles"(11). He largely succeeds in doing this from a predominately Catholic perspective. Two other points are particularly important to emphasize. First, while he definitely draws from the "deep wisdom of our Christian tradition," he is not uncritical of the way in which a spirituality of marriage has been largely neglected in the Catholic tradition until recently. "As Mary Anne McPherson Oliver has observed, a quick perusal of those who have been canonized by the Catholic Church, and thereby elevated as models of holiness, promises little insight into marital spirituality"(10). Second, Gaillardetz' project is clearly demarcated from academic theological inquiry. He rightly states that this text "does not pretend to offer a comprehensive sacramental theology of marriage" (11). This second point is particularly important because while the spirituality outlined by Gaillardetz flows from very particular theological roots, the rigor of academic theology is not present. This will undoubtedly be a welcome feature for the intended audience of the book—educated lay people immersed in the reality and ministry of marriage who are searching for a language to direct their own spiritual journeys.

Early in the text Gaillardetz makes an effort to bridge the distinction, sometimes made absolute, between spirituality and institutionalized religion. He is rightly concerned with spiritualities "that merely confirm our more superficial wants and desires"(22). A tradition can serve as a corrective to such narcissism by providing stories, rituals, and doctrines that can truly inform our human needs. Such doctrinal commitments are important for Gaillardetz, and it is from these commitments that he will establish the principles that run through his text. These include (1)"at the core of our humanity is the experience of desire, an inner drive for communion with God and one another"; (2) "the incarnation reveals to us the fulfillment of that desire and of our very humanity in the person of Jesus Christ"; (3) "the suffering, death and resurrection of Jesus, often called the 'paschal mystery,' offers us the way of salvation and the paradoxical logic of human fulfillment"; (4) "the true wisdom of the Christian doctrine of the Trinity is that God is communion and therefore is discovered whenever and wherever we give ourselves over to the life of communion"(23). After introducing and developing each of these principles, the rest of the book unfolds as these principles inform various dimensions of married love.

First, marriage in the church is a public witnessing that emerges from living in communion, mutuality, intimacy, and companionship. Communion is the encounter with one's spouse, not as an object of gratification but in his or her subjective worth. Such an encounter, such communion, can be communion with God if the infinite dignity and worth of each spouse is realized. Mutuality is the giving and receiving of each other's gifts in gratitude. This action bespeaks the God of self-gift embodied fully in Jesus' death on the Cross. Intimacy is more than closeness—it is, rather, characterized by "vulnerability before one another" (53). Such vulnerability presupposes the responsible giving of two developed people where absorption is not the result. This vulnerability is ultimately openness to God and the way in which God will be welcome in one's life. Finally, companionship is interacting with one's spouse as a fellow traveler, an interaction in which the spouses share and give/receive nourishment. What is most refreshing in this consideration of married love...