Homage To Those Who Hollered Before Me

GINA ULYSSE Homage To Those Who Hollered Before Me Silence chose me I didn't choose silence silence immobilized me I could not breathe in my own skin without breaking the silence I could not live in the castle ofmy skin as I came ofage colonized knowing I wasn't meant to survive I screamed knowing the power ofthe erotics I screamed using the erotics as power I screamed out ofmy passion I screamed out loud words that resonated the sound of a hammer slamming on a nail going through flesh screeches shrieks hollers screams another woman hollering hollers screams another woman ofcolor hollering hollers shrieks just another blackwoman hollering creaks like aurora, caroline, Catherine, eilen, ella hollering shrieks like zora, audre, cherrie, gloria, rosario, Sandra hollering creaks that crack hollering creaks to crack to shatter the screens bordering the walls ofthe tower [Meridians:feminism, race, transnationalism 2003, vol. 3, no. 2, pp. 20-4]©2003 by Wesleyan University Press. All rights reserved. 20 that safeguards the gatekeepers mirrored crick-crack crick crack no! krik! krak! krik! krak! cricks can crack the mirror keep out the cricks that can turn into cracks reaffirming their silences the cricks in the crack drowning our silences hollering screaming silently suffocating the cricks that make the crack that be too wild and need to be tamed the cricks that make the crack that be too wild and need to be contained the cricks in the crack that need to be erased be that or disappear be that or diss A pear fear or disappear always disappear crying hollering laughing they keep disappearing because they love themselves they disappear Barbara... Flo.... Audre... where areyôu? where have you gone? they love themselves when they're laughing Hell! I'm just trying to love myselfwhen I am crying I'm just trying to love myselfwhen I am hollering I'm just trying to love and rescue myself when I challenge these disciplinary acts you better get out ofthe front line gurlfriend or you won't get home alive using the erotic ofpower to redefine myself I inserted myselfin the diss MERIDIANS TRIBUTE TO JUNE JORDAN 21 I inserted myselfdeep into the diss I inserted myselfinto this form that stifles me into this diss that reflects me into this diss that can barely contain me and from that point ofknowing I cried and screamed and hollered about my blackness I cried and screamed and hollered about my baldness the politics ofbeing black and the privilege oflight skin the politics ofbeing bald and obsessions with textured hair the politics ofcoming ofage colonized and trying to define what it means to be free the politics ofrecreating structured structures and the denying ofpast spiritual agency the politics ofreaffirming silences and the drowning out ofloud voices that screamed hollered cried and laughed before me silently loudly hollering objectivity has historically miseducated me objectivity has historically suffocated me through subjectivity I can be only through reflexivity can I be who I am not who you need me to be through subjectivity I can take my oppression I can name it and claim it and try to resist remaining an occupied territory because I wasn'tjust miseducated sister lauryn my generation came ofage colonized comfort didn't choose me I didn't choose comfort I could not choose comfort 22 GINA ULYSSE I could barely breathe in my own skin so I tried to accommodate the angst I could not live in the castle ofmy skin I tried to get rid ofthe angst while suffocating I and I hollered and screamed I laughed to scream screeches shrieks hollers screams shrieking cricking to crack like those who came before me because ofthem you and I know we have this date with history I and I must know the time and place so I can ask papa legba to open the gates at the crossroads for me And in the name ofall the saints all the dead all the twins And the entire guinea nation from my mother's side And in the name ofanacoana And in the name ofnanny ofthe marroons and neg mawon And in the name ofcecile fatiman and sojourner truth And...