Excerpt from Shut-up! You Make Me Cuckoo! A Revue of Aeronautic News in Fourteen Scenes and a Prologue

Characters

COLINETTE
THE ANTIFEMINIST
THE TELEGRAPH OPERATOR
AUBANEL

Excerpt from Scene 3

When Little-Red-Riding-Hood-Colinette, a cross-dressed soldier, goes out for a walk in the woods, the wolf she meets is the embusqué.

COLINETTE (singing a naive song)
Colinette entered the woods
Hopping here, skipping there
Tra la la la . . . Tra la la
A draft dodger did then appear
Scrubbed clean here, fragrant there,
Tra la la la . . . Tra la la
"My sweet, where to?"
He blocked her way
"Oh, sir," she answered him so gay,
"To pick some violette-es."
There's nothing wrong with that, Colinette
Nothing wrong, Colinette
There's nothing wrong with that, Colinette
Nothing wrong, Colinette
The shirker, agrrrrrr, now he comes near
Oh my, what horror and what shock !
Poor Colinette, she gasps in fear . . .
Tra la la la . . . Tra la la
Oh sir, you'll none of that
From me
Tra la la la . . . Tra la la
It belongs to those in combat
You see
Tra la la la . . . Tra la la
She stood her ground

She took a stand
And looking at him unabashed
She said out loud, "Give me your CASH!"
Tra la la la . . . Tra la la
There's nothing wrong with that, Colinette
Nothing wrong, Colinette
There's nothing wrong with that, Colinette
Nothing wrong, Colinette

The vile civilian all enraged
Would not give up his precious bills
Tra la la la . . . Tra la la
She blushed and holding out her hand
In which she'd hidden a grenade
She blew the guy to smithereens
There's nothing wrong with that, Colinette
Nothing wrong, Colinette
There's nothing wrong with that, Colinette
Nothing wrong, Colinette

THE ANTIFEMINIST (enters, agitated)
A woman! Finally, a woman!

He circles around COLINETTE.

What are you? Blockhead, busybody, tramp?

He makes her recoil, startled.

THE TELEGRAPH OPERATOR What's with you, my friend?

AUBANEL And why are you abusing this poor thing so?

THE ANTIFEMINIST I can't abide a woman anymore!

THE TELEGRAPH OPERATOR Hey, could you explain to us the reasons for your femina-phobia?

THE ANTIFEMINIST It's simple . . . terrifying, startling, appalling, but quite simple . . . voilà. I'm furious at women because they've entirely taken over all of our positions on the home front; when we return, gentlemen, tell me, what shall we do?

THE TELEGRAPH OPERATOR The housekeeping and the mending, for our wives will have replaced us at the factory and the workshop!

THE ANTIFEMINIST And we'll bathe the kids, right?

THE TELEGRAPH OPERATOR Hopefully they won't make us produce them ourselves!

AUBANEL That would sure be a switch in roles, not uninteresting, mind you . . .

THE TELEGRAPH OPERATOR But there are tasks for which we'd better prepare. Me, for example, I'd never nurse my kid! I didn't learn how . . .

THE ANTIFEMINIST (sings "The Old Beggar")
I had a job,
A snug ole slot,
I had it sure, God damn, I did!
Before the war.
My job, my job
What's it to you!
What did you do, Margot, you shit!
You pinched my slot, that's great, you slut!
Let's sing by the light of the moon!

He sings "Little Brunette with Eyes of Blue!"

It's you who profits while we're gone,
No shame, you steal what pleases you
Of all the things 'twere ours to do
Oh little brunette with eyes of blue!
And we, when we return from war,
We'll get the dross you kicked aside
You'll leave us what you thought was shit . . .
You'll say to us, "You can stuff it!"
Oh little brunette with eyes of blue!

End of excerpt.

With the approval of their captain, fifteen soldiers from a French balloonist company attached to a British unit stationed near...