The Day I Killed James (review)

Against her better judgment, Theresa takes advantage of her next-door neighbor's unrequited love for her and invites him to take her to a party to show her on-again, off-again boyfriend, Randy, that he can't push her around anymore. She even goes so far as to make out with neighbor James, which has the desired effect on Randy; while they engage in some reconciliation kissing, James roars off on his motorcycle, which is later found halfway down an embankment, with no evidence of skid marks or attempted braking as the heartbroken James sailed off the cliff to his death. Unable to find atonement for the part she feels she played in James' death, Theresa tries therapy, and then shaves her head and runs away, only to find that boys still want a girl like her, who will play fast and loose with their hearts. She forms a strange alliance with an abused girl, Cathy; when Cathy inadvertently shoots her own brother, the two accidental killers embark on a journey that saves them both. Though the elements are melodramatic, the storytelling is effective. Theresa's guilt emerges in clipped sentences and fragments that feel like truth to her but are more the guarded nuggets of eclipsed pain; as she moves through her healing process, she opens herself up to understanding her own defense mechanisms and works through her misplaced grief and self-involved interpretation of events. Her encounter with Cathy is admittedly random, but the parallels and differences in their situations allow Theresa's cynical denials to evolve into real wisdom and give her a chance to practice that wisdom both with her heart and her mind. As the belief that heartbreak is fatal is a common fantasy of teens, this will find a ready readership, who will then be sobered by the lesson that, while there is no excuse to be careless with the heart of another, there's always more to the story of a suicide, and there is always the possibility of atonement.