John, Paul, George & Ben (review)

Many a biographer has combed the childhood of his subject in search of early promise of greatness to come, and now Lane Smith definitively identifies those attributes of our Founding Fathers that allowed them to fashion this august nation. John Hancock's bold manuscript may have annoyed his teacher ("John, c'mon . . . we don't need to read it from space!"), but it would later enable him to defy King George with his signature. Paul Revere's bell-ringing hobby rendered him so hearing-impaired that he spoke at the top of his lungs—a problem as a shopkeeper ("EXTRA-LARGE UNDERWEAR? HERE THEY ARE! GREAT, BIG, EXTRA-LARGE UNDERWEAR!"), but an asset for alerting citizens to approaching Redcoats. George Washington's fabled honesty (he admitted to the destruction of an orchard, a barn, and a carriage as well as a cherry tree) made him the ideal candidate for first president. Ben Franklin's proclivity for dispensing clever advice earned him a loud "Please shut your big yap!" but would come in mighty handy convincing others to unite for independence. Thomas Jefferson's independent spirit made him the classroom pariah as he rewrote his master's lesson plans, a trial run in preparation for separating from the king. Smith out-legends the legends with his broad parodies of early adulatory histories, and his visual play on colonial artwork is pretty darn clever as well. Pen, ink, oils on canvas, parchments, weathered boards, and period font all contribute to the antique look, and the little founders' caricatures are unmistakably based on well-known paintings—right down to poor Ben's receding hairline. Readers in the know will enjoy searching out more subtle references, such as a broad grin that betrays Washington's coming dental issues and classmates' blackboard scrawl that presages the signatures on the Declaration of Independence. A closing page "Wherein we set the record straight with ye olde True and False section" puts everything back into context, but still works in a few parting jibes: "This [cherry tree] fable was invented by Mason 'Parson' Weems. . . . Pretty funny, considering he made up ye olde tale to teach kids a lesson in honesty." A history review with underwear jokes—how can you beat that?