Hilda

Scene One

Mrs. Lemarchand: May I help you?

Frank: I'm Meyer, the handyman. You needed me today?

Mrs. Lemarchand: Oh yes, yes . . . Mr. Meyer. Well, I had a few things that needed fixing, but they're not that important, really. To tell you the truth, it's your wife I am interested in. I was hoping she was available to work for me. I need someone who's a hard worker, dependable, and, above all, clean. I can't have anyone in my home who isn't clean, no matter where they're from. But I'm told your wife is clean and in good health. Her name is Hilda. Is that true?

Frank: That's her name.

Mrs. Lemarchand: What an unusual name. Hilda. The last woman we had was named Monica. Before her we had a Frances, and before Frances a Consuelo, Bridget, Kathleen, another Frances, another Bridget. We've never had a Hilda. Never! Hilda. I must admit, that's why I chose her. I had a long list of names to choose from, you know. No one has ever turned us down. We are very cultivated people, Mr. Meyer, and especially sensitive to human suffering. That's why I want Hilda.

Frank: We're not suffering.

Mrs. Lemarchand: I know, I know, I know. It's just a figure of speech. "Suffering" is a relative term, isn't it? I'm told Hilda is very bright and well-mannered; she sounds perfect. And if she is, I want to help you. That's why I'm offering her a job.

Frank: We'll think about it.

Mrs. Lemarchand: What is there to think about, Mr. Meyer?

Frank: We'd need to find someone to take care of the children.

Mrs. Lemarchand: Children need not stand in our way, Frank. I've already made arrangements at the local day care. It will not be a problem. Hilda can drop them off in the morning and pick them up at night when she leaves me. Is Hilda at home right now, Frank?

Frank: Yes, she is.

Mrs. Lemarchand: Please tell her your children will be much better off at day care. I'm sure you can be very persuasive, Frank. And, it's the truth! If she only knew how much she's needed. I'm counting on her, Frank. Will you tell her?

Frank: I'll tell her.

Mrs. Lemarchand: So—the day care will be expecting your children—two of them, am I right? They are already confirmed. I need a woman immediately. Monica had to go back to Jamaica. No green card. Immigration laws are so rigid these days. Monica was fine but I don't want to deal with the INS. I'm set on hiring an American woman. I'm tired of Consuelos and Kathleens and, furthermore, I want Hilda. Monica was very proper, hard-working, and modest. I'm sure Hilda will be even better. She will be a model of poise and efficiency. I need someone who will devote themselves to their work—who will . . . serve. That's what's essential. Between you and me, Mr. Meyer, I end up a slave to the women I employ. I just can't do without them! What does Hilda look like?

Frank: What do you mean?

Mrs. Lemarchand: I'm told that Hilda's very pretty, Frank. May I call you Frank? Is she?

Frank: Yes.

Mrs. Lemarchand: And . . . ?

Frank: What?

Mrs. Lemarchand: Her eyes, her hair, her figure? She's not too fat is she, or sickly thin? The women in this town, the maids especially, are often excessively thin or exceedingly fat. They are obsessed by their bodies. I find it very disturbing. Don't you, Frank? I need a healthy woman who can control herself. My maid is in charge of my house and my children. How can she possibly handle that if she can't even control...